Perhaps I should not admit to this, but for years I have suffered from “crooked bows”, yes, crooked bows are real and can lead to major embarrassment in social situations! I want to get the word out so that others suffering from this malady may read this, find condolence in knowing they are not alone, and may benefit from my advise on how I have finally conquered it!
Yes, it’s true after 58 long years of suffering from crooked bows I have finally resolved the knotty problem, made adjustments to my life styles, and tied a knot around the problem.
Background: For years my shoelaces have had bows that are perpendicular to normal persons shoelaces. Sad but true, with one bow laying across the laces and the other pointing the way up my leg, under my pants cuff, and in general running amok! While I never outwardly let people know how distraught this made me, inside I would cringe whenever I would notice people eying my shoes. It did not matter the brand of shoe, the type of lace, if I double knotted, or did an extra “safety twist”, the bows pointed to the North and South as surely as the best Boy Scout compass! For awhile I was saved when the popularity of Velcro replacing laces was in vogue. However as most fashion statements, it waned and with it went my self esteem again. Now only my sandals have Velcro, but they too are wearing out after years of faithful service.
The Life Style Change: As you can see from the earlier posts I have begun getting a little exercise, and part of that includes some walking and running. To do this properly I purchased some “real” running shoes. (Neutral – Cushioned as far as shoe type descriptions go. Asics Gel Nimbus 9 and 10 as for exact models.) To make sure I used the shoes to the best of their ability, which far exceeds mine, I used the internet to research some various method of lacing shoes.
The Breakthrough: As I was reviewing the different methods of lacing I tried a couple ways that looked like they were something I thought might add, or subtract actually, time from my running pace. As I was experimenting one time I tied the bow just slightly different than I ever had before, suddenly before my eyes the bows laid down, pointing perfectly due East and West as if they had been doing that for the last 42 years! I was astounded, flabbergasted one might say! How could this be, such a simple change, with such a dramatic effect. To me it measures right up there with Bells first telephone transmission, Marconi’s first wireless transmission, and maybe even Goodyear’s discovery of vulcanization!
How did I achieve this remarkable breakthrough. How has it affected my life by allowing me to mingle in social situations, be accepted by my exercise peers, brought me fortune and fame beyond my wildest dreams? Please visit the Kazology store and order a copy of “How to bilk millions achieve your Dreams”. Only a small annual recurring fee, plus appropriate charges for shipping and handling and you too can become as confident as me in nearly all social situations! If you want to run sub 3 marathons you must Act now! UnLimited copies available at this time. Offer only valid in the continental US, in states which have no Better Business Bureau, or have names beginning with the letter Z.
The Future: Will I ever revert back to the old bow tying method, will I have a lapse in memory and forget how I achieved this remarkable event so that it remains a mystery to me, as much as why all the Cliff Dwelling Indian’s disappeared? Only time will tell.
I feel so good in having this monkey off my back after so many years, that I felt I must get the word out to other sufferers to let them know there is a cure!
Until the final shoe is properly laced,
George